Friday, October 3, 2014

For a Healthier Tomorrow!

Man, I really don't like lists longer than four. Anything more than that is hrair, you feel me? Here's 25 Things to Do Tonight For a Healthier Tomorrow. Geez, twenty-five things. Tonight? Is that a thing? Do I actually do twenty-five things in a night all the time, I just stop counting at four?

1. Drink green tea to boost your metabolism.
I'm not supposed to have caffeine after 6:00 PM, so I better get up off the couch and get that started right now. In a minute.

2. Set your alarm an hour earlier to squeeze in a morning workout.
I'll just duck into the bedroom and do that while my tea is steeping. Or I would, if I had an alarm clock. I don't wake up to an alarm, I wake up when I wake up. I mean, pretty reliably by eight every day. But anyway, I don't do morning workouts.

3. Have sex to help beat stress and boost immunity.
I guess while my tea is steeping, okay.

4. Stop eating out, and pack your lunch ahead of time to save money and calories.
Stop eating out ...right now? I feel like this advice isn't really well-timed. It's Friday evening, next up is dinner. And tomorrow is Saturday, I don't need a lunch packed for tomorrow. Am I supposed to pack my lunch tonight for Monday? Joke's on you, I already have a bunch of lunches in the fridge.

5. Drink a glass of water to help clear your skin.
Glass of water with dinner, check. Which will be after the sex and the green tea. So like sex, green tea, then make dinner, drink glass of water with dinner.

6. Ditch late-night carbs to lose weight; save them for breakfast instead.
I beg to differ, I save my carbs for dinner and don't have them for breakfast. It's cool, agree to disagree. Actually I'm about to go over to Trouble's for wine party and am going to stuff my face with bread. I mean, I hardly ever eat bread. Except for pizza last night and bread tonight. But not for breakfast tomorrow.

7. Do a short yoga sequence to de-stress and relieve anxiety.
Mein gott, yoga too? Okay well, I am trying to stretch every night before bed. I kind of was thinking that it wasn't going to happen tonight because I'd be getting home late tonight filled with wine and bread, but hey. So like sex, green tea, then make dinner, drink glass of water with dinner, go to wine party, come back, and stretch before bed.

8. Eat salmon (or other omega-3-rich foods) for dinner to help lower the risk of developing breast cancer.
I guess it's salmon for dinner.

9. Skip sugary sweets to beat belly fat.
But it's Friday, Friday is when I eat sweets. Sometimes they have cookies at wine party!

10. Clean your gym mat to fight off germs and fungus.
Uh, okay. Sex, green tea, make salmon for dinner, drink glass of water with salmon, go to wine party, try not to eat cookies, come back, stretch, then clean yoga mat. Then bed.

11. Try preparing overnight oats for a grab-and-go healthy breakfast.
Sex, green tea, make salmon for dinner, drink glass of water with salmon, go to wine party, try not to eat cookies, come back, stretch, clean yoga mat, prepare overnight oats, then bed.

12. Sip on a glass of wine to reduce the risk of heart attack and increase bone strength.
I got this!

13. Finish your workout early (at least three hours before bedtime) to help you wake up refreshed in the morning.
Way ahead of you on this, I finished my last workout around 8:30 PM on Tuesday.

14. Whip up homemade energy bars to have a healthy snack ready for when you hit the gym.
Gah idk why, I really don't like bars. Pass.

15. Pack a gym bag so you're ready to start your workout in the morning.
Yeahhh, okay. Not.

16. Enjoy a square of dark chocolate to beat fatigue and lower blood pressure.
Trouble has chocolate sometimes at wine party!

17. Keep a food journal to lose weight faster.
LOL, you have no idea. Check. Couldn't care less about losing weight, though.

18. Slow down your dinner; eating quickly can stop you from realizing when you're really full.
Sex, green tea, make salmon for dinner, drink glass of water with salmon to be eaten slowly, go to wine party—cookies no, wine yes, chocolate yes—stretch, clean yoga mat, prepare overnight oats, then bed.

19. Detox and debloat by adding a few simple ingredients to your water.
Wouldn't it be simpler if you told me the ingredients? Fiiine. Sex, green tea, make salmon for dinner, drink glass of water with simple ingredients, eat salmon slowly, go to wine party—cookies no, wine yes, chocolate yes—stretch, clean yoga mat, prepare overnight oats, then bed.

20. Pack healthy snacks so you don't give in to junk food cravings at work tomorrow.
Work tomorrow is Travis, there's no food at the gym. I was planning to have soup when I got home.

21. Prep for sleep earlier than usual to wake up with ease.
Tch well, I could get to bed earlier if I didn't have to clean my yoga mat and make oats.

22. Find time to meditate — it will help you focus and relax.
Already done this afternoon!

23. Try eating clean to improve your energy.
I'm good, right? With the water with the simple ingredients, the salmon, the wine, and the chocolate?

24. Be body positive and give yourself some extra love.
So like, after the sex and before the green tea?

25. Lighten up your favorite dish for dinner, and bring the leftovers to work.
Idk, it's not that big of a piece of salmon and I'm probably going to be hungry after the sex and the extra love...

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