This break is a fascinating field experiment, remove one variable and observe the flow in its absence.
How it is: I get home from work and I'm pretty tired, exhausted even, and I think honestly this is from spending most of my willpower turning myself away from distractions and toward the various and sundry tasks that the very nice people who employ me, after all, pay me to do. I have improved extremely since my bereavement in my ability to do this, but it is an effort; these days it's a successful effort, at least. Willpower is an exhaustible resource, and when I get home I think I won't ever be able to make myself do another blessed thing ever again.
Willpower, however, is also a renewable resource. All I really need is to decompress for, like, half an hour on the couch. When I have late practice, I get this and it's more or less all good. "More or less all good" is probably some sort of non sequitur, oh well. When I have 6:30 or 7:00 practice, it's a mad rush without too much time to think about how miserable I am. Wait, what, did I just say that I feel miserable about going to practice? Yes, I did. I do, sometimes; and then I go, anyway. Because derby, see that's what I've been thinking. I've been thinking that without the gravitas of derby to get me up to escape velocity, I'd never get off the couch and out of the house after work ever. Which frankly makes me inclined to, you know, never retire. Now that I've had a couple weeks out of the pressure cooker, I know that I just need the half hour and then I'm good to get up and, like, actually cook dinner.
I don't think I will cook dinner every night after derby, though. Too many dishes. I think I'll keep making my spacefood, I'll decompress and eat my spacefood and then get dressed for a nice 8:00 workout—not too early, and not too late.
That's not here yet, though. I mean, I still like derby; it's still a fun thing to fill my time with. And also it's hella cheap. Fifty bucks a month for three practices a week, twelve practices a month, that's like $4 per practice, so ridiculous. I guess I have to count in what my time is worth for volunteer hours and such, say, $25/hr, times ten volunteer etc. hours per month, so $250 plus the $50 is $300 divided by twelve, okay, $25 per practice; that's still pretty good. I mean, it's way less than I charge.
Not that I've been working out over this break, mostly I've been catching up with errands. I bought unholey jeans, finally and, this never happens, I got them on sale. $10 for one pair and $30 for the other, so $40 for two pairs of jeans! Though I've been demoted to demi curve, bah.
