Thursday, January 31, 2013

State of the Biz
 winter 2013

knocked him over with a feather

Ironically Domozuna, who in life would have the most stable base of support, is the least stable of the dominions, and has been knocked over with a feather. I filed his feet with a nail file, now he stands up a little bit better.

Who wants to be a personal trainer, c.f., who wants to be a millionaire? Ha ha, I do not think that I will be a millionaire in my lifetime. But, but, I feeeeel like a million bucks.

Let us take a moment to remember barfing stars.

Barfing stars is clamspeak for that moment when you take a leap of faith into the terrifying, sparkling unknown. Clamspeak is spoken by me and my shoalmates Biggie and Shanna; clams are introverts who clam up under stress, which is to say, at parties. There is another kind of introvert, squids, who squirt ink. Extraverts are not represented in this schema, extraverts can represent themselves. I say that both defiantly and tenderly, my wifey Helliot is an extravert. Talking to her is like talking to the Rosetta Stone; but that is off the subject, though who am I kidding, so far I have not been on the subject yet.

So anyway just about two years ago I plonked down the money for my personal trainer study materials, then right around this time last year plotzed myself with the realization that I had frittered away nine months making fruitless flashcards and had twelve weeks to cover the remaining eighty percent of the material. I do not recommend this as a study plan. Though I do still refer to my muscles and movement series now and again, though I would like to revise it a bit at this point, because now I know I was right about wanting to teach exercises for movements, and not so much exercises for muscles, and by "right" I mean that's how I do.

Oh then, I passed the test. I took it in record time. Not that anybody was recording the time, so not a record. One thing I do way better now than when I took tests a lot more is use the Force, trust that you know what you know.

Then I thought, I will get a job in a gym, I will fold towels to break into the business. I certainly did not think that I would start my own personal training business, in fact the book said not to. But nobody wanted to hire me to fold towels, I auditioned for a couple cardio kick and boot camp instructor spots and interviewed at a big box gym for a personal trainer position. Which I think I put paid to by answering the question What would you tell a client whose goal was to lose twenty pounds by August instantly with "I'm not really big on weight loss as a goal," which is also how I do. I like to train for, in order, 1) movement, 2) strength, 3) power, 4) body composition, i.e., fat loss, and distantly 5) weight loss. I know people want to lose weight, and weight loss is big business. I want you to want something better than weight loss, that's what I want to work with you on and the whole reason that I barfed up those stars was so that I could build a business based on what I want to work on. Also let me tell you something about fat or weight loss, there be dragons by which I mean you will have to tackle diet and I do mean you. As in, not me. Only you can start forest fires. Ask me about that if you're interested. So anyway I'm still working at my office job two or now I'm thinking three days a week, and at the moment I have a personal client, a partner client, and a group fitness class, and now and again I have a couple of coaching clients, which I didn't even know was, you know, a thing that people would think to pay me for.

Knock me over with a feather, I have a personal training business.

Gah I have so many things in my head about barfing stars, and clams and squids, and the Force, and work-life, and how my five clients fell out of the sky like five Coke bottles, or actually eleven Coke bottles if you count by the body, and it's coming out all crazy and I'm babbling about Coke bottles. But that is why I put this on my list to write about every quarter along with the state of the blog and it's a start, and also is pretty much how it is right now. Not perfectly planned, I mean. Not all under my control. Like organic, but don't be fooled for a second: organic is organized. Have you ever looked at a leaf? I feel like what I'm saying, and which I may say more about, is that so far this isn't so much like forging ahead to make a tree from your idea of a tree, only God can make a tree, but more like forging your idea of a tree from an actual tree...