Monday, February 22, 2016

Humane Burpees
 a drama

Box posted a thing about humane burpees, I did them on a Wednesday night while I was waiting for Nora, like totally not in 4 minutes or whatever he says. Like, way spaced out over a half an hour. Thursday I was like, what have I done. Even while I was doing them I was thinking, what am I doing. I could feel the rust stretching off my hamstrings and adductors. Friday though, I felt awesome. Like I felt like I was standing really well. I have a thing with my knee and am trying to fix my flat feet, which nobody ever told me was fixable. I had to find that shit out from Joe Rogan. Man, swings are so great for posture correction. It's a really smart protocol! I started them thinking okay, I will do the 15-5-5 but there's no way I can do this 5 times. Then I was like, I can probably do the 15-4-4. Then I was like, maybe I can do the 15-3-3. And you know after that you know you can do 15-2-2, and then you feel stupid if you don't do the 15-1-1. ‪#‎justdidmy15‬

#justdidmy15 #swing #squat #pushup 15-5-5 15-4-4 15-3-3 15-2-2 15-1-1 15# kettlebell 2x/week

A photo posted by Pauline Pang (@allapoppy) on

Tut my forearm could be more vertical on that pushup!

So this entered my head as a serious contender to be added to my schedule, and it went like this. I mean, it literally went like this. I wasn't like, hey let's write a dialogue about me deciding when to do humane burpees, these are more or less the actual words that came out of my fingers when I was doing my words. They actually came out organized into two speaking parts, and I just labeled them. In my head for whatever it's worth, the part of me that always wants to do more is played by the devil and the beat-up part that takes care of me with half its feathers falling out is the angel.

Devil: Idea 1 - Replace Tu Sa sun salutations.

Angel: Nooooooo, I love those!

Angel: I have lots more to learn, I'm not even really doing the jump feet between hands yet!

Devil: But let us interrogate, is it not possible that you could benefit from changing things up. Think on that a bit.

Devil: Idea 2 - Replace Su power yoga.

Angel: Nooooooo, I just got started and I still really suck at that sequence!

Angel: The way I suck at that is impeding my handstands. If I get good at that, handstands might just be easy!

Devil: Yeah, I kinda do think you could keep working on that. Even though you're not really training handstands right now, are you.

Angel: No, but—

Devil: Idea 3 - Replace Tu Sa sun salutations with Su power yoga, replace Su power yoga with humane burpees.

Angel: Nooooo...

Angel: I mean, maybe this is a way to progress my yoga. I would really miss sun salutations, though! It's really great to have a morning routine that you never balk at, that you definitely know you're capable of, that you definitely know you'll feel good about after, and that you definitely always do when it's on the agenda. I worry about messing with that.

Devil: Mein gott, do you think it's good that you're afraid not to do sun salutations? What about doing Tu sun salutations, Sa power yoga, and Su humane burpees, or whatever order in the week you want.

Angel: I feel like I should do sun salutations at least twice a week.



Devil: Jesus.

Angel not speaking to the devil.

Devil: I'm sorry.

Angel still not speaking.

Devil: What about adding humane burpees after sun salutations.

Devil: No, right? Because that takes away the idea of a thing that is definitely doable.

Angel: And the power yoga is hard enough on its own.

Angel: I could just do the humane burpees on Wed nights while I'm waiting for Nora, that worked fine.

Devil: Okay, let's do that.

Angel: When I get better at the power yoga, maaybe I will mix power yoga into sun salutations.

Devil: If I leave the kettlebell out, will you do some swings MWF?

Angel: Do you want to go back in the box?

Angel: Because I can put you back in the box.

Devil shuts up.

Devil: Don't kill me, but I signed up for a taster trapeze class.

[ETA: Angel canceled the trapeze class. But now we do Tu Sa half sun salutations + power yoga and Su We humane burpees.]