Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Sleep Wear Review


I feel the need to check on my clothes, but not necessarily to do anything about them. Ha ha. Here is my demented fashion chart, and I just want you to know that I do always feel the need to add an apologetic set of quotation marks whenever I say fashion to describe what I wear, but I always decide not to.

Anyway. From the top.

Just to refresh, my formula for how many pieces of any given article of clothing I need is:

(n x 2) + 2 = x

...where n is the number of days in a week I would wear that x 2 weeks + 2 more pieces in case life hits the fan and laundry gets really behind. So for sleepwear that would actually be:

(7 x 2) + 2 = 16

Oh. Why did I think it was twelve.

WHATEVER. I think I count 11 v-neck t-shirts there, 10 long underwear + 1 that I'm wearing + 1 in the laundry, and 14 boxer briefs. Which means I should stock up on five more t-shirts, four more long underwear, and two more boxer briefs.

But I'm not going to:

  • first of all, these t-shirts, I've been wearing these same t-shirts since, I kid you not, probably since the 1990s. Is that possible? I definitely gave up on wearing cute pajamas when I was still married. Aw. Maybe 2002-2003? I guess these t-shirts are sexy now, since they're practically see-through. Every neckline is frayed at the edges, every underarm is riddled with holes, and somewhere in that pile there's a print of each tattoo I've gotten.
  • the long underwear are relatively newer, because I used to wear size L everything and then after I got divorced I started buying clothes in my size. Last winter at the peak of my derby weight gain, they were actually getting a little tight in the butt and thighs. But they're fine again, except now they're too big in the waist—this, though, is not going to be solved by shopping, unless there's long underwear that comes in a derby girl cut.
  • I finally bit the bullet and bought a couple more packs of boxer briefs, which is what I wear in summer. But I guess I didn't buy enough, because I can't do math.

I'm not at all saying that I'm not getting new sleepwear because I'm sentimental about the rags I sleep in, or that they're so well-worn and comfortable. It's just that the whole caboodle needs replacing and I'm not all in for that, money is tight and against that I don't care much what I look like when I'm sleeping. And I sleep with a man who when I ask him in the morning if he slept well says "I don't know, I was asleep." And if you think I'm forgetting about sex, don't you think sex and sleep should ...not be synonymous?

So on the shopping list, but on hold:

* 16 t-shirts, size S
* 16 long underwear, size M
* 16 boxer briefs, size M

Or some other sleep bottoms TBD.