Sunday, January 24, 2016

Purse Essentials

So, wacky, this lady wrote to me out of the blue:

My name is Samantha and I'm the Community Manager at Glossier, a modern beauty brand creating essential products based on what we learn from insiders, like you. We like to look for the stories behind the products - stories that are informed and inspired by you.

Here at Glossier, we believe in "skin first, makeup second, smile always". We'd love for you to put together a post on your blog that features some of your purse essentials that allows you to highlight (instead of hide) your natural beauty. From face mists to skin perfecting tints, we want to see how you give life to your products and achieve that natural glow on the go!
Which at first I lolled:
i just got this email inviting me to write for some something, idk what, whose motto is "skin first, makeup second, smile always," sooo which of my posts did you like, the one where i fuck up taking a shower or the three months of depression?
Second I looked up Glossier, looked at the prices of everything and lolled again. But, I am curious. I wrote her back and after I straightened out that I'm not at all interested in writing sponsored posts, the deal seems to be:
Glossier loves to learn from the beauty community and use that in guiding our next move, whether it's creating a new product or inspiration for a new piece of content. This project [is] a way to introduce Glossier to the beauty community, as well as connect with influential members of that community, such as yourself.

Lol again, but okay. Just for the record, my motto is skincare first, makeup sometimes, smile sometimes. If I feel like it!

Her project is working, though: at this point I've drilled into Into the Gloss, which I actually love and have added to my feed. Which is what provides a good amount of fodder to my scintillating facebook conversations. And when I add something to my feed, well, my feed is my reality tunnel. So like in my reality tunnel, everybody is Paleo (except I myself am not Paleo) and when I stick my head out of my tunnel into, like, actual reality and see people eating so much bread, it's a shock to my system. So now in my reality tunnel, it's all skincare first, makeup second in here. I already had Michelle Phan in here, though lately she has been going off book and talking about, like, space, which I got comically territorial about. Let's be clear: you are beautiful. I am nerdy. You can't be nerdy, too! Then what am Iiiiii.

I'm wordy, is what I am. The point, Poppy, are you getting there?

We'd love for you to put together a post on your blog that features some of your purse essentials that allows you to highlight (instead of hide) your natural beauty. From face mists to skin perfecting tints, we want to see how you give life to your products and achieve that natural glow on the go!

One last LOL, ookay, here's my truth: my project for the better part of last year for highlighting instead of hiding my natural beauty was, you know, getting out of bed.

But, also truth! I have been using skincare first, makeup second to get myself out of bed. Like a carrot on a stick, only MAC Russian Red. Here's the thing though, I swear I'm getting to the purse essentials part, apparently I'm a branch of House Greyjoy whose words are "We Do Not Reapply." I was never one of those derby girls who wore great makeup, I sweat like a banshee. I always figured whatever, people can just look at my ass. So really the Russian Red is the first makeup I've worn in a while that actually wants reapplying, and for a hot minute it was in my purse and by purse I mean backpack. And then I put it back on my bathroom shelf and said the words: we do not reapply. I don't wear it to work anymore, I can get out of bed on my own these days.

When I wear lipstick to go out I'm working this trend for all its worth. Because it's crystallized in my mind that I put on makeup to paint an picture of myself in the mirror—i.e., for myself—a little selfie for my mind instagram that runs in the background of the rest of my day or night. Because I have other things to do in the foreground. I'm not saying that skincare and makeup or looking good aren't important, just not anything I want to keep checking all day and night; they're actually very, very important, for those 5 minutes that I'm registering my face in my mind before I sally forth. My current project is waking up a half hour earlier so I can fit in that 5 minutes, which you know is saying something if you know how I feel about waking up earlier. I may have a post about that TK.

That is not this post, though. This post is about Purse Essentials. Without. Further. Ado.


My one and only purse essential.

Lololololol, I am sorry. Essential means something you actually need, and I need lip balm throughout the day and night, enough to override we do not reapply. Hell yeah, I reapply lip balm. Lip balm you can reapply without looking. And Eos, the best lip balm applicator ever invented. I don't know why it look so long. Sticks, yuck, I hates them, everything about them is pinched. I like pots okay, but I can't stand when they get less than full and then some of the balm gets hghghhghgh under your nail. Freddie says use your knuckle, then you get a bonus moisturized knuckle. But the ball shape is also great for swiping my cheekbones for when I'm riding home on my bike. The only thing the ball shape isn't great for is putting in your pocket. Apart from it looks like you're happy to see everybody, I wrecked my winterval Eos like that, that close to my body temp was too much for its structural integrity, saddest day of my life. In truth I don't love the flavors, the flavors are a little too wacky for me. The shape outweighs the flavors, though.

And I guess some people are horribly allergic to Eos? I am not. YMMV! Don't sue me!

You know what would be great, Burt's Bees in the shape of Eos. But it would be a hive, and honey-flavored. Somebody make that for me!

ETA 1/25/16: OMG!

A photo posted by Pauline Pang (@allapoppy) on

It's mint, though, what, you get all the way to making the pot look like a hive, then you turn left at mint? Also, it's green :\ back to drawing board.