I put "try to fit in meditation" for Saturday and Sunday on the Power 30 spreadsheet, where I was going to get my little check mark if I even gave a little thought at some point to maybe mediating now?
Which Saturday, I did think that. And then I thought, nah. I was laying in bed watching TV and the sweetie man was next to me taking a nap, and that seemed like a fine way to spend the rest of the afternoon. Which I'm not saying it wasn't or that I regretted it, just that I spend kind of a lot of time in bed lately and I sort of imagined I'd have a little more to show for my life than a really better than average track record at guessing who the killer is on CSI.
So then Sunday was already enough, I mean in the way that you're supposed to think of yourself as enough. Sunday I drank my water, did my 750 words, got out of bed and washed up and got on my bike at 11 to have brunch with TS. My birthday is tomorrow so this was my birthday brunch. TS had said that her Sunday was pretty full, so I had it in my head that we'd have brunch and then I'd head back home to do Sunday things. But after brunch she said that she still had a bit of time and we could hang out, so we walked our bikes to the park and sat on a bench to talk. Where we remained until, like, five. This is what is so great about TS, I don't hang out with her a ton and maybe because this is what always happens. It was great to talk to her and great to be in the sun, really just what I needed. Though by the end what I really needed was to pee. So we walked our bikes out of the park and I dropped her off at her corner and then I rode home. That was enough. It didn't need to be made better.
Still when I got home, well, first I peed, and then I thought, maybe meditate now? (Check!) And then I thought something like
NNNNNNNOOOOOOO I DONN WANNAAA
The resistance was really incredible. I told you that resistance is a little bit of a red flag for me, right? I'm really not in the business of forcing myself to do things that I don't want to do, but I think resistance is sometimes undermind's way of saying I NEED THIS. So I thought I'd give it a try, and then I could watch TV. Though the thought of putting my legs up the headboard made me feel like kicking and screaming, so I said, fine, we can do it in corpse pose. So I started my timer and had a little savasana... is that what savasana means? Corpse?? What did you think it meant, naptime?
The first thought that popped into my mind was, remember how you wrote to yourself in your 750 words this morning not to forget to email Nora about her appointment Tuesday?
And also don't forget to bring your tax returns to work tomorrow so you can scan them and send them to your NEW! accountant.
Which is how meditation goes, until the timer goes off.
I can at least manage to boil some eggs for lunches. Boy the day that you can't manage to make seven-minute eggs, you need to give Wellbutrin a chance, that's all I'm saying, seriously, it's seven minutes.
Okay but, I'm making a smoothie for dinner.
That's fine. You need half an avocado for your salad kit, though. If you make a rice bowl right now, you can have half an avocado for that and the other half for your kit. I assume you want salad. I mean, you're already making the eggs.
Salad kit is a quart-size takealong container that has a handful of cherry tomatoes, half an avocado, and lately I've been doing half a zucchini, plus two hardboiled eggs, which I take to work and make into a salad for lunch, sprinkled with lemon juice and salt. Rice bowl is what I eat for dinner, the most bare bones version is rice with a bit of meat, half an avocado, and kimchee. Actually there's an even more bare bones version, just rice, tofu, and kimchee, but though nutritionally sound that's edging towards tasting like sadness so I try not to go there too much. Avocado and kimchee as a combo is the bomb. When I was better, I was making more veggies and those bowls were soo many flavors.
I'm sure you can manage to cook up this broccoli, right?
Okay but, just the broccoli. Not the kale.
My super easy recipe for broccoli is: trim, cut up, and wash broccoli, heat a tablespoon of coconut oil in a large skillet over high heat, throw in the broccoli, cover, and cook for five minutes, then uncover and cook for five more minutes. I'm in super sad shape, but even I can manage this. And it's super good, the broccoli gets charred a bit and smells great. Sometimes I add a little bit of crushed red pepper.
So easy and so good, you know, if you just wash the kale and massage it a bit, you can cook it right in that same pan and all your veggies are done, awesome rice bowls all week.
Okay but, it's just going to be plain kale, can you live with that?
Sure, sounds good.
Really though it wouldn't be any trouble to crush a clove of garlic in the garlic press. Right?
So I had rice, a little bit of leftover orange chicken pieces, broccoli, garlicky kale, kimchee and avocado in my bowl tonight.
It doesn't always work like this, but sometimes this is how meditation works.
It would be easy enough to write all this up in a blog post, wouldn't it?
Then can I watch TV??
Then you can watch TV.
Don't forget to brush your teeth, though.