July Review

Frig, I am getting my ass kicked. I am officially depressed, apparently not uncommon after a major life event. Is it a physical aftereffect of the stroke or the psychological aftermath of stroke + retiring from roller derby, nobody seems to think it matters which and everybody says a little of both.

Weirdly July started off pretty good, the beginning of July is when I cleaned the bathroom and hung out with TS and Sparty and finished taking my ProSource quizzes (see below), and pretty much for the rest of July I've been in the dumps. I am able to: 1) work, 2) train clients, and pretty much the rest of the time I'm in bed or on the couch.

And in the continuing saga of my life titled Good News, Bad News: Who Knows, I fell off the sidewalk leaving my therapist on Thursday, oh my god who does that, and rolled my ankle right smart—but hey, right outside the primary care practice that I'd been eyeing as a substitute for the primary care doctor who was recommended to me out of the hospital. So I hobbled in and saw a doctor and it's a Rush practice, so she was able to pull up all of my Rush records—my mammogram, my hemology tests, my ultrasound—and she asked if I was fully recovered from the stroke and I said I was totally physically recovered but I thought I might be depressed. So she started asking me depression stuff and of course I started to cry, thereby answering that.

So that's pretty much where I am now, plus a sprained ankle. It's seriously like the bar keeps getting lowered, like the one thing I used to still be able to do was walk!

I've had some inspiration too, though. This came up in my feedly: Jane McGonigal on Getting More Done with Less Stress and The Health Benefits of Gaming, which I got superexcited about and immediately signed up for her SuperBetter website. But, I think it needs some work. Like you have to check off these quests and in allaPoppyspeak you get a little brain cookie whenever you check off a little task... only it only checks off your quests if you access them in a specific way, so I did like ten quests and my counter was stuck at 1/3 and I'm like, WELL YES, THIS IS EXACTLY HOW LIFE FEELS NOW. I still love Jane McGonigal! It's not you, it's me! It's just that nobody has invented the readymade system that could satisfy me, I even stopped using Wunderlist. Please remind me of this before I plunk down anything cold and hard for a FitBit! It will always be the blank paper notebook and the blank electronic spreadsheet for me. I'm super down with "gameifying" (I think McGonigal herself does not like that term) my life, and in fact that's really what's behind my timetracker and charts, which is why I was so excited by SuperBetter in the first place, kindred spirits, but ultimately what makes it redundant for me. ANYWAY tl;dr, I am going to cobble together my own game out of Post-Its, Google Sheets, and Facebook.

July's picks:

HOME

1. Clean kitchen for the love of god, if I feel up to it.

First of all, I did clean the bathroom! Which needed it again after I cleaned it in, uh, April. And I feel like I'm getting close to being able to clean the kitchen...

PLAY

2. Take ProSource quizzes to finish.

Done!

Really the only problem here is how much doing this was functioning to keep my mood up, this was the exact right kind of task crossed with the exact right kind of reward. I haven't found anything that works quite like that to replace it.

PASTIME

Write

I think a big thing that's going on with me is that I'm eager to just get back to my life... but I think undermind doesn't want me to just go back to what I was doing before. Undermind doesn't want to rehash the same old food charts and recipes all over again, undermind thinks—or possibly knows— that I should be doing something new and different. Undermind wants me to grow as a person. And undermind can't talk to me about it, undermind can't talk. Undermind can only pull the plug on my motivation and not let me get out of bed until I give up heading in the wrong direction.

Watch

File this under be careful what you wish for, Netflix picked up NCIS and that ate my life. Then I poked around and it turns out that Hulu has CSI, so I signed up for my free one-month trial. Netflix >>>>> Hulu, I'll tell you that. Hulu has ads! If you pay, you shouldn't have ads. Not that I've paid yet. I'm going to cancel as soon as I'm done with CSI, which I don't even like as much as I think I would have without the ads. Which maybe is for the better.

The only other thing we watched this month was Tracers, which is some parkour movie starring Jacob from Team Jacob, lolz. And tonight I think we're going to watch something with The Rock, I forget what— oh right right, Hercules. Ha ha, I love The Rock.

See

Like I said, it started out as an okay month for seeing people: TS and I got jibaritos and hung out in the park, and Sparty and I got biscuits and pie at Bang Bang Pie Shop. Also Biggie had her shower and Annie organized a boat trip for Fury, that was really great.

As for seeing movies, the sweetie man and I (and Odie and Kevin) saw Minions!

August Picks

HOME
1. Clean kitchen? Please?

PLAY
How about we focus all our energy on the kitchen?

PASTIME
Yeah, how about that.

Catalogue of a Friendship

chapter 245 - matchy matchy
chapter 244 - serious buttons
chapter 243 - cupcakes and shit
chapter 242 - emoticon exploration
chapter 241 - less angry and more compassionate
chapter 240 - stupid quiz
chapter 239 - rest, rest, rest
Green mod podge vases
Chapter 237- omg its june
chapter 236 - derby kills
chapter 235 - now it is fine
chapter 234 - money!
chapter 233 - bananas!
chapter 232 - dang
chapter 231 - flipping my lid
chapter 230 - woo sparkles everywhere!!
Chapter 229: Bridal virgin
Chapter 228: Spring has sprung!
chapter 227 - discriminate THIS <>
chapter 226 - frustrating habits
chapter 225 - this is what a monster looks like
chapter 224 - snip snip
chapter 223 - a very pleasant female
chapter 222 - dad joke alert
Chapter 222 - relax, don't do it
chapter 221 - chili on potato!
chapter 220 - aughghghgh
chapter 219 - PHOTOS!
chapter 218 - going on an adventure!
chapter 216 - GAPOCALYPSE!!!
chapter 216 - oy my god
chapter 215 - the chapter of the dodo
chapter 214 - assemble some shit!
chapter 213 - not a manatee!
chapter 212 - go rope!
chapter 211 - freedom everywhere
chapter 210 - busy fridays
chapter 209 - those troublesome domos
chapter 208 - what?!
chapter 207: Angry Wave
Chapter 206: pajama party
Chapter 205: what have i done!!!
chapter 204 - balmy
chapter 203 - happy new thread!
chapter 202 - a little horrified
chapter 201 - a new dawn
Chapter 200 - the gap has SADS
omg chapter 200 - SAD gifts
chapter 199 - dammit
chapter 198 - fast girl is fast
chapter 197 - the masses are too much work
Chapter 196 kitties that pray together bathe together
Chapter 195: gotta make it until thursday, or the next sunny day
chapter 194 - stitches
chapter 193 - yippieeeee!!!
chapter 192 - disappointing humidifier
chapter 191 - pant pant
Chapter 190: I will sell this house today
chapter 189 - friday friday!
chapter 188 - wednesday wednesday
chapter 187 - monday monday
chapter 186 - feelin fresh
chapter 185 - grannies
chapter 184 - hot and ready!
Chapter 183 - it's a good day to die
Chapter 182- FOOT RUBBSSS
chapter 181 - montreal in the gap
chapter 180 - little stoner slug fell in the gap
chapter 179 - and the winner for minding the gap for all time is...
chapter 178 - criminal minds
chapter 177 - when people in cars are nice
chapter 176 - clam renunion is only a motion awayyy
chapter 175 - the awesome thread!
chapter 174 - the happy weekend thread
chapter 173 - yucky job yucky job (:]
chapter 172 - not the greatest skirt in the world
chapter 172 - the heisenberg thread
chapter 171 - because i'm happyyyyyyy
chapter 170 - HAPPY HAPPY DAY
chapter 169 - spinning straw into gold
chapter 168 - the gap won again
chapter 167 - the post independence period
chapter 166 - skeleton is love
Chapter 165: Penny tiles!
Chapter 164: new threads
chapter 163 - manifest destiny
chapter 162 - minding the gap
chapter 161 - breakthrough!
chapter 160 - the silence of the clams
chapter 159 - hottubbing
chapter 158 shot in the dark
chapter 157 - the sake tuyas
chapter 156 - accomplishments
chapter 155 - floor washing fantasies
chapter 154 - :D
chapter 153 - D:
chapter 152 - hungry hippo wants all the marbles
chapter 151 - whoa
chapter 150 - summeeertiiiiime
Chapter 149 spoiler alert!
chapter 148 - morning in atlanta!
chapter 147 - knee high socks
chapter 146 - requiem for devil rays
chapter 145 - hair question
chapter 144 - off the florida keyyys... there's a place called mexico
chapter 143 - no wait! i have 1 and 2!
chapter 142 - o.O mind the gap O.o
chapter 141 - kick the mountain yay
chapter 140 - you wear overalls and big old brogan shoes and you need a haircut, tramp
Chapter 139: Work that ASS-ertive
chapter 138 - thump the babies
chapter 137 - the chamber of secretions
chapter 136 - hot lesbian sex!
chapter 135 - nachos
chapter 134 - dry wombat
chapter 133 - american gladiators!
chapter 132 - pizza and shakes
chapter 131 - drunk and falling off your donkey
chapter 130 - hey-o!
Chapter 129 - bald odie
chapter 128 - fingermind
chapter 127 - glaciers!
chapter 126 - hackers!
chapter 125 - rescued by neighbor
chapter 124 - stars and happiness!
Chapter 123: a christmas miracle
chapter 122 - christmas episode
Chapter 121 - sex face
chapter 121 - send your wife sex face
chapter 120 - beat up the mailman
chapter 119 - pumpkin bread is in the house
chapter 118 - to do orgy!
chapter 117 - preemptive strike
Chapter 116 - Don't cross the streams!
Chapter115: Mantra!
chapter 114: MIND THE GAP
chapter 113 - wordy and not so wordy bots
chapter 112 - post-champs
chapter 111 - let's be awkward together!
chapter 110 - waiting for buzzfeed
chapter 109 - the fix-it thread
chapter 108 - the great fish robbery!
chapter 107 - funfetti!
chapter 106 - cute round things
chapter 105 - i can't control the kittens!
chapter 104 - reservations
chapter 103 - what has happened before will happen again
chapter 102 - the barbaric yawps
chapter 101 - welcome to the hotel california!!!!!
chapter 100! where is my mind?
chapter 98 - woahhhh
chapter 97 - how do we sleep while our threads are burning
chapter 96 - well that escalated quickly
chapter 95 - the ART of EMOJI
chapter 94 NOT WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR
chapter 93
chapter 92 - dreamweavers!
chapter 91 don't cross the stream
chapter 90 YOU OTTER CELEBRATE
chapter 89 dump me already!
chapter 88 hole in the bucket
chapter 87 dodging bullets
chapter 86! never break the chain!
chapter 85 fucking emoji that would be nice
chapter 84 BRING ME SOME OTTERS, STAT
chapter 83 barfing stars
chapter 82 your professional opinion
chapter 81 footage
chapter 80 playing it by ear
chapter 79 a cartoon of two tables
Chapter 78 HIIIII
chapter 77 sonder
chapter 76 i blue myself
chapter 75 - after the storm
chapter 74 - happy to be stuck with you
Chapter 73: Polite as Fuck
chapter 73 googliness
chapter 72 brewhaha
chapter 71 BLOWN
chapter 70 - damn you guys we broke another thread
chapter 69 - this is gonna be good
Chapter 68. Everything will be ok.
chapter 67: calming manatee is calming
Chapter 66: roll with them punches
chapter 65 operapalooza wooooo
chapter 64 - zombea apocalypse
Chapter 63 atheist fatties
chapter 62 what what wednesday
chapter 61 maalox monday
chapter 60 - graham crackers!
chapter 59 - otters!
chapter 58 - yummy fat
chapter 57 - sleepy tuesday
chapter 56! i have no title!!!
Chapter: Unstoppable
chapter 55 - fish fry friday
chapter 54 - derby domination
chapter 53 feeeeesh
chapter 52 - fluuuuuuuuuuuuuu
chapter 51 - worriers and warriors
chapter 50 ....
chapter 49 - no more inbox zero
chapter 48. dust off that book!!!
chapter 47 the slowest healing tattoo
chapter 46 - still jet lagged
Chapter 45 - A Shoalmates New Year
Chapter 44. life goes on
chapter 43 - ninjas do foot salutes
chapter 42 a snip!
chapter 41 a dip
chapter 40 - in which one should not prophylactically use ibuprofen
chapter 39 - penny table
chapter 38 - 1 day til tai-yi wins
Chapter 37, 31 days until Shanna goes down under!!!
chapter 36 - 35 days
chapter 36 - yummers, so how did you cook the fish?
chapter 35 - possible redemption
chapter 34 - in which i am good at taking naps
Chapter 33. where we all vote
chapter 32 in which i hork three stars
Chapter 31: Squeaky wheel
chapter 30 - date night
hi. hello! chapter 29
chapter 28 afterthought
chapter 27 time nerd
Chapter 26 testing out
Chapter 25 fit snip!
Chapter 24 - proud of my memory
chapter twenty-bajillion - I don't know what we are on
chapter 21 victorian helicopter squid
chapter 20 blue monday
chapter 19 - yawn
chapter 18 - misfortune cookies
chapter 17 holy moly
chapter 16 bonnie thunders is my bff
chapter 15 snippy snip
chapter 14 - a new leaf
chapter 13 - birthday shenanigans
chapter 13: snip!
chapter 12: projectile vomiting stars
Chapter 10 - Harry Potter learns Quidditch
chapter 9 (ooh, bankruptcy)
chapter 8.

Jegging Surgery bikini boyshorts

I decided that I was done messing with my bikini line. Bikini top + cut-off cuffed jeggings. And slingback crocs, haha.

Hey oh, a "fashion" post.

Do you need instructions? These are Xhilaration jeggings from Target. I basically laid my 6" quilting ruler right under the back pocket (yes! these have pockets!) and marked it straight across with a white pencil, and cut with my (very sharp) quilting scissors. I was thinking I would mark conservatively and trim cautiously until they were as cheeky as I wanted, but when I tried them on, they cuffed a lot more nicely than I imagined—and hey, less work. Was not really looking forward to hemming stretch fabric, now I don't have to bother, yay.

I guess we'll see how well this fabric does in water. Not that I really ever go in the water, maybe twice a summer. Maybe this summer not at all, it's so cool and the beach is so faaar.

It's not that I was itching to DIY, I actually had in mind the cutest nautical boyshorts, in the exact shade of blue that's on my bikini top (I don't always ever envision realistically), maybe with the four buttons in the front, you know what I mean? I did quite a bit of online trolling for this, trolling in the actual fishing sense and not the online sense, though not actually fishing, fishing figuratively online, and came up empty-handed, hinc illa Plan B.

I Get Up Again

Hokily dokily, I am finally not sick and not critically depressed, so a new schedule is taking shape:

SUN	MON	TUE	WED	THU	FRI	SAT
SLEEP	SLEEP	SLEEP	SLEEP	SLEEP	SLEEP	SLEEP
HOME Cooking	WORK	HOME	WORK	HOME	WORK	HOME
PLAY appts	WORK	PLAY appts	WORK	SYSTEMS bills	WORK	SYSTEMS appts
PASTIME	PLAY CECs	PLAY Train	PLAY CECs	PLAY Train	PASTIME	PASTIME
SLEEP	SLEEP	SLEEP	SLEEP	SLEEP	SLEEP	SLEEP

What's really taking shape are Monday and Wednesday evenings, I take the train home from work, stop by the grocery to pick up a vegetable, go home and change into comfy clothes, tidy the bedroom, and lay on the bed to meditate, get up and cook the vegetable, fix a dinner bowl and eat it, and it turns out that the perfect thing to do with the little bit of evening I have left is do a bit of studying. Which since I'm studying movement, more often than not involves moving my body at least a little bit. A little bit is just right for me right now, just the one night with Box was wiping me out for the rest of the week, sad to say, but just laying on the couch watching television night after night wasn't feeling like enough to live for. Or worse, lurking on Facebook. It occurred to me that taking my ProSource quizzes was functionally pretty much the same as reading my feedly, so I couldn't tell myself that I didn't have the energy for that. And it's stuff that I'm actively interested in and it's stuff that I actually have to do, as in cross off my to do list, which I've been doing and it's been satisfying. So it's enjoyable and satisfying, pretty good combo. Low energy, enjoyable, and satisfying, even better combo. And like I said, more often than not I'll jump up to try something that I'm reading about, and that gets me moving, which is helping my mood.

A lucky thing is that it's summer and there's hardly any cooking, I'm onto smoothies for breakfast and salads for lunch so really it's just dinner that I actually cook. That can generally happen on Sunday; but if it doesn't, Monday or Wednesday can pretty easily pick up the slack. My dinner bowls are the bomb! I thought I wouldn't eat bowls if I didn't have to rush off to practice, I thought I'd get sick of them. With all the extra vegetables getting cooked Monday and Wednesday nights, plus throwing kimchee into the mix, they're always changing, so many flavors. Tonight I had Korean ground beef (actually turkey), pan-roasted broccoli, kimchee, and avocado, so good! My food in general is on point, I'll write it up when my energy level gets up past reading to actually writing. Or really, it's organizing all the pictures that seems like an ordeal.

Actually another lucky thing about this summer is that it's cold, which sucks for summer but rules for sleeping, which is also helping my mood, when I really lost it was that short stretch when it was too warm to sleep.

Energy is not quite up to cleaning levels, hopefully soon. Maybe this weekend.