Thursday, April 30, 2009

A Rollergirl's Beginner Guide To Gear: Skate Tools and How To Use Them

6. Skate Tools, 4-Way Elephant Tool and Toe Stop Wrench
Sin City Skates, www.sincityskates.com

Your basic beginner tools are to tighten/loosen three things on your skates: 1) the aforementioned toe stop nut, 2) the axel nuts, which are the nuts that hold your wheels on their axels, and 3) the action nuts, which are the nuts that hold the trucks on your plates. Pretty basic, so you don't need to spend a lot of money a tool that's, you know, sentient. Or sonic, for you Doctor Who geeks.

20090429_4way20090429_toenutwrench

4-Way Elephant Tool.

Toe nut wrench.

I have a 4-Way Elephant tool and a toe stop wrench. I think Riedell skates come with a Riedell skate key, which does all three things. There's also the PowderDyne skate tool, a three-in-one tool that's not too expensive.

Okey doke, the first thing to remember is:

RIGHTY TIGHTY LEFTY LOOSEY

Tightening your toe stop

20090429_toestopnut

This is a kayfabe shot, you actually have to hold the toe stop with one hand and tighten the nut with the wrench in the other hand. But you know, my one hand is holding the camera.

Screw in the toe stop to the desired length by hand, then tighten the toe stop nut as tight as you can with the wrench. What the desired length is up to you, I wear mine sort of low to help me with my toe runs. It puts me in a little danger of tripping on my own toe stops, which you probably don't want. Not that I want to trip on my own toe stops. Anyway for now, the factory length is probably fine for you.

Tightening/loosening your wheels

20090429_axelnut

You want your wheels to spin freely around the axel, but not move up and down the axel much at all. What I do is, I tighten them until they don't spin & then loosen them a quarter turn at a time until they do spin.

Tightening/loosening your trucks

This is the trickiest of the three, and needs a bit of explanation:

In fact when you skate, your wheels don't roll straight forward; if they did, it would be pretty hard to do anything but skate straight forward & sometimes you want to, you know, turn. Instead when you turn, you put your weight into the turn and your wheels flex in that direction & viola, you turn. (I know it's voila.) The tighter your trucks are, the less they flex & the looser your trucks are, the more they flex. Therefore the tighter your trucks are, the less responsive they're going to be to your weight & the looser your trucks, the more responsive. And neither is good or bad, it just has to do with how you're skating & what you need. If you feel all over the place, you may want to tighten your trucks for more stability. If you feel like you can't turn to save your life, you may want to loosen your trucks to give yourself more mobility.

20090429_actionnut

Tighten or loosen all of your trucks a quarter- or half-turn at a time, until you feel comfortable in them. Try to adjust the front and back trucks evenly.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

A Rollergirl's Beginning Guide To Gear: Toe Stops and Toe Guards

But wait, let me tell you a little something about toe stops:

5a. Toe Stops, probably Sure Grip Web Stops
Orbit Skate Center, 615 S Consumers Ave, Palatine

R3s come with a mini wedge toe stop that I think is better replaced. What somebody told me, and which checks out with me, is that the wedge shape tends to turn around —i.e., unscrew— when it's pushed. Then it falls off at inopportune times. Not good. I got nice big round toe stops from Orbit Skate Center, where I used to skate often and miss very much. I've also seen these at Sin City Skates. I think these are the Sure Grip Web Stops, not that I knew a toe stop from a toe guard when I got them.

Vandals come with a smallish round toe stop that's fine for now, though you might want to get something bigger, later on, when you start to do toe runs. When I got my Vandals, I took put the big toe stops on them and put the Vandal toe stops on my R3s.

5b. Toe Guards, none

If you don't know what a toe guard is, it's a piece of leather that you fasten to your toe stop and your skate laces, and it protects the toe of your skate from too much wear. Mainly your toe gets wear, I think, from doing one-knee falls and stuff like that. Which you'll probably do a lot for regular derby and not as much as we possibly should for recreational derby, anyway, I've never had them.

I should probably also tell you about skate tools...

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Dept. of Invention

I've been hungry because I switched from Oatmeal and Fruit Bits to Yogurt and Blueberry Compote for breakfast. And no wonder, oatmeal is more than a hundred calories more than yogurt. By the way, I'm adding calories to all my recipes! (ETA: I mean, calorie counts. Not extra calories.) So I've been following the yogurt with impromptu items like (stolen) cinnamon raisin bagel or frutecake or sourdough nibblers, not that it doesn't take a certain amount of premeditation to pack 80-proof frutecake for work. No, it was fine; it had mellowed. But still, cake for breakfast.

Anyway I do this thing all the time where, like, I get sick of doing dishes day in and day out —not that I do dishes day in and day out, my pit crew does most of the dishes during the week— and I'll start to rant that there needs to be a PLACE where you can GO OUT and eat, like in a separate room from the kitchen, and they BRING YOU FOOD and then CLEAR THE DISHES until I realize or my pit crew gently returns me to the reality that I've just invented the "restaurant."

Just because somebody thought of it already doesn't mean it isn't a good idea!

But anyway, I was thinking that I needed a nutritious breakfast cookie to eat with my yogurt to make up the hundred calories & was busily researching this on the internet, but nothing satisfied. I didn't want a cookie, per se. Something smaller, something crunchier. Small, crunchy nuggets. Like, you might eat them from a bowl. With a spoon! You know, like "cereal."

I will be having cereal trials in the near future.

Monday, April 27, 2009

A Rollergirl's Beginner Guide To Gear Helmet, Mouthguard, Wristguards, Elbow and Knee Pads, and Skates

Ask any rollergirl, skating the the best thing she ever got started and yeah you should get started! Ask about what gear to get started with, and whaaaaaaa. Girls love their gear. I'm just saying, I've been skating for just about two years and "PowerDyne Torq nylon plate" only started to sound like English to me, like, last week. There's a lot of stuff that you can know about skates and gear, but you don't have to know it all at once.

This is the beginner's guide to gear, covering the basics: helmet, mouthguard, wristguards, elbow and knee pads, and skates; the intermediate guide will get into bearings and wheels, and the advanced guide will be about plates and cushions.

And I'm just going to talk about my gear, and later on I'm going to have some other girls in talking about their gear & it'll all be good.

1. Helmet, Pro-Tec B2 Skate
Uprise Skate Shop, 1820 N Milwaukee Ave, Chicago

20080417_shark20090412_helmet1

My old S-One helmet.

My new Pro-Tec helmet!

I just got this helmet. I left my old helmet sitting on a bench by the lakefront path, I'd just skated 13 miles in a bad mood —which is rare, and should have been a red flag— and so damn tired, plunked down on this bench, packed up my gear, and walked away from my helmet on the bench. I loved my old helmet; it was a L/XL S-One, though now they make them in separate L and XL sizes. Which makes more sense. This new helmet fits better; it's snug, doesn't go askew in falling drills. This time the ProTec felt more comfortable than the S-One, so I went with that.

2. Mouthguard, Shock Doctor Gel Max
Sports Authority, 1801 W Fullerton Ave, Chicago

I also had to replace my mouthguard that was attached to my helmet. This is the "better" mouthguard with $7,500 dental insurance, not the "best" with $10,000 insurance. Normally I'd be inclined to get the mouthguard with the most insurance, but the "best" mouthguard said all this stuff about positioning the lower jaw down and forward and the tongue up into the roof of the mouth —gah, too much information. And I only fell on my face that one time.

3a. Wrist Guards, Razor
Biggie, hand-me-down

I walked away from my wrists a few months ago... I know, I have a problem. I've been wearing Biggie's old Razor wristguards, and they're okay. I think you can get them at Target or Kmart even. I used to have Pro-Tec Street wristguards from Sin City Skates, and they were okay too.

3b. Elbow Pads, 184 Killer Elbows
Sin City Skates, www.sincityskates.com

My elbows are sweet, though I don't think I've actually ever fallen on my elbows. What my elbows mostly do is sweat, which makes your gear smell and then fall apart. The useful tip I have about elbow pads is, cut the toes off some old cotton socks and wear the socks under your elbow pads.

3c. Knee Pads, Pro-Tec Street
Sin City Skates, www.sincityskates.com

These are the Pro-Tec knees that I got two years ago; they're fine for a beginner, and also fine for me because I don't get that banged up.

I'm due to replace all my gear, as it gets worn or, you know, lost. Though actually, I probably don't have to replace my elbows; they're still like new, either from not falling on them or from wearing socks under them or probably both. At some point, I'll probably just get a new set of Pro-Tec Street or Triple Eight gear. I originally got my gear from Sin City Skates, and they did me right; but I'll probably get my new gear from Uprise or Orbit Skate Center, so I can try things on.

4a. Skates, Riedell R3s with KWIK ABEC-7 Bearings and Sure-Grip Aerobic Wheels
Sin City Skates, www.sincityskates.com

4b. Skates, Riedell Vandals with Bones Swiss Bearings and Radar Mojo Wheels
Lombard Roller Rink, 201 W 22nd St, Lombard

20080402_r3s20080402_vandals

My R3s, with extreme lacing for my wide feet. Oh and, those aren't the toe stops they came with.

My Vandals, with my old Flat-Out wheels.

I'm already getting ahead of myself with the bearings and the wheels, so let's back up a bit:

I'm just going to tell you, skates break down into several component parts —boots, plates, cushions (or bushings), bearings, and wheels, and also toestops— and you can build your own skate with your choice of compenents; but forget about that, for now you're probably going to get one of a few skate "models," like the R3 or the Vandal, that come with a particular configuration of components in the box, ready to wear. To wit:

R3
boot: R3
plate: PowerDyne Torq nylon
cushions: Riedell med
bearings: KWIK ABEC-3 bearings
wheels: Radar Cayman
Vandal
boot: 265
plate: PowerDyne Torq nylon
cushions: PowerDyne med
bearings: KWIK ABEC-7
wheels: Radar Tuner orange "firm" wheel
And just to compare...
Wicked
boot: 265
plate: PowerDyne DynaPro aluminum
cushions: PowerDyne med
bearings: KWIK ABEC-9
wheels: Radar Tuner red "grip" wheel

I started with the R3 and later upgraded to the Vandal, both of which I love. I use my R3s now for outdoor skating —you need different wheels outdoor versus indoor— and my Vandals for indoor practice. Personally, I think this is ideal; so to my mind there's no stress about starting out with the less expensive R3s to see if you like this skating business & then loving it and spending the grocery money on some sweet Vandals. But if you can scratch your itch with one pair of skates, I think these are both fine beginner skates. I won't say "you can't go wrong," because where you can go wrong is getting skates that don't fit. Have somebody fit you for your skates, I highly (har) recommend Steve at Lombard Roller Rink!

And now, because I can't leave well enough alone:

A. For the R3, I am not a fan of the Cayman wheel. If you have the option to upgrade to, say, a Tuner tite or Flat-Out wheel, I'd definitely go for that. Also the R3 comes with ABEC-3 bearings, which are nnnnnnn. All I'm going to tell you about bearings right now is that for ABEC-rated bearings, the higher number is the better or more advanced. If you have the option to upgrade to ABEC-7s, I'd probably go for that too.

B. For the Vandal, I think the standard wheel is the Tuner orange "firm" wheel & you may want to swap that for the sky blue "tite" wheel, which is grippier, or a Flat-Out wheel, which is even grippier. And all I'm going to tell you about wheels for now is that harder wheels are faster and can slip (a little) on the floor, and softer wheels can be (a little) slower but grip on the floor; and floors, too, can be slippery or grippy. You will be fine at any roller rink with the firm wheel; but if you skate in more random spaces, like school gyms, you probably want a grippier wheel.

Now you're raring to know about bearings and wheels, I will write about that next—

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Vaguely Cajun Red Beans and Sausage

1/2 lb smoked sausage
1 onion
1 green bell pepper
3 ribs celery
1 Tbsp paprika
1 tsp thyme
2 bay leaves
14.5 oz Jewel diced tomatoes
14 oz Swanson's chicken broth
   or 2 cups homemade chicken broth
15 oz Jewel red beans, rinsed and drained

Opaa whole wheat pita bread

Dice sausage and gently render over low heat as you chop the onion, green bell, and celery; you can add vegetables to the pan as they are chopped. Turn up the heat to medium high and add spices and herbs & saute until fragrant. Add tomatoes and chicken broth, and bring to a strong simmer. Add beans and simmer until slightly thickened, about 20 minutes.

Serve with toasted pita bread, probably also good over rice.

Per 1/4 recipe plus one pita bread, 478 calories

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Vaguely Cuban Black Beans and Sweet Potato

NOTE FROM POPPYLABS: This recipe is still under construction, but I think it's close enough. It was originally beans and rice, but it took too long to cook the rice, like almost an hour —I don't know why, regular beans and rice cooks in just 25 minutes— and in the end it seemed only enough for a side dish, and I don't make side dishes. I just realized that I don't. For now I am going to say eat with toasted pita bread.

1 sweet potato
2 Tbsp olive oil
1 onion
1 green bell pepper
2 cloves garlic
2 Tbsp tomato paste
1 Tbsp paprika
1 tsp oregano
1/4 tsp nutmeg
14 oz Swanson's chicken broth
   or 2 cups homemade chicken broth
15 oz Jewel black beans, rinsed and drained

Opaa whole wheat pita bread

Heat oven to 375 degrees. Cube the sweet potato and roast in the oven for about twenty minutes.

Gently heat oil over low heat as you finely chop the onion, green bell, and garlic; you can add vegetables to the pan as they are chopped. Turn up the heat to medium high and add sweet potato, tomato paste, spices, and herbs & saute until fragrant. Add chicken broth and bring to a strong simmer. Add beans and sweet potato and simmer until slightly thickened, about 20 minutes.

Serve with toasted pita bread.

Per 1/4 recipe plus one pita bread, 349 calories

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Mixed Nuts and Raisins To Go

Per snack bag:
1/4 c Emerald mixed nuts
2 Tbsp Sunmaid raisins

Throw nuts and raisins together into some snack bags.

One serving per bag, 235 calories

Sourdough Nibblers and Mixed Nuts To Go

Per snack bag:
16 Snyder's sourdough nibblers
1/4 c Emerald mixed nuts

Throw nibblers and nuts together into some snack bags.

One serving per bag, 290 calories

Friday, April 17, 2009

Work/Play: Doo Do Doo Do Doo Do Do Do Doo Do Do

OR MAYBE?

SUN MON TUE WED THU FRI SAT
WORK
Grocery
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Laundry
WORK
Cooking
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Cleaning
PLAY
Derby Lite
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
PLAY
Derby Lite
PASTIME
Choppers
HOBBY
Write
HOBBY
Write
PASTIME
Lost
PLAY
Derby Lite
HOBBY
Review & Plan
PASTIME

Yes, please!

I'm kind of aware that my life probably seems pretty wide open to a lot of you, perhaps even quaintly laid out like a Disney town or like a living room with wall-to-wall white carpet. Not that my life is that pristine, just that I'm not even trying to fit kids in!

I may try to see things whole, but I do things pretty damn steadily. It's not the only way to do things, obviously not. The other way is to do things whole, and maybe you don't have a grasp on it all; but you get a lot in. My way is to cut out a lot. Trying out for real roller derby. MySpace. Fresh vegetables. Uh, being married. Drawing. Oil painting. Designing t-shirts. Designing websites. Producing theater. Performing monologues. Quilting. The aforementioned kids. Reading, that's bad. Though lately I have been reading the Man-Kzin Wars, which is about space cats.

And I still struggle, you know? I feel like the world's dorkiest juggler mightily focusing all of my attention on, like, two balls. Which is a pretty sad picture, but just imagine what it was like with the fresh vegetables and being married and drawing and oil painting and t-shirt designing and web designing and producing theater and performing monologues and quilting all going on at the same time.

I was going for a time without writing much, for about four months, and skating four times a week. Skating isn't my anti-drug; skating is my drug, full stop. When I'm skating, there's nothing else & it's total bliss. When I reenter the world, everything seems loud and hurty & I just want to go back under. When you're skating four times a week, you're pretty much swimming in it all week like a dolphin. When you're only skating twice a week, you have to get used to the world again every week.

Three's a charm, maybe?

Writing, as long as I'm talking, goes the other way. So I guess my anti-drug is writing. When you're writing six hours a day, five days a week... you get used to it & you learn to breathe that atmosphere. When you're only writing two days a week, it feels like your lungs are filling up with water & then time's up, and you crawl back to the beach and swear you're never going back in.

And the mermaids go doo do doo do doo do do do doo do do...

Damn mermaids are trying to kill me.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Work/Play: Another Chart For My Life

Or what if I did this:

SUN MON TUE WED THU FRI SAT
WORK
Grocery
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Laundry
WORK
Cooking
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Cleaning
HOBBY
Write
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
PLAY
Derby Lite
PASTIME
Choppers
HOBBY
Write
PLAY
Speed/Outdoor
PASTIME
Lost
PLAY
Derby Lite
HOBBY
Review & Plan
PASTIME

54% work, 14% housework, 11% pastiming, 11% skating, 7% writing, 4% reviewing & planning...

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Work/Play: A Chart For My Life

How it all works out for me:

SUN MON TUE WED THU FRI SAT
WORK
Grocery
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Laundry
WORK
Cooking
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Cleaning
HOBBY
Review & Plan
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
WORK
Office
PLAY
Derby Lite
PASTIME
Choppers
HOBBY
Write
HOBBY
Write
PASTIME
Lost
PLAY
Derby Lite
HOBBY
Craft?
PASTIME

1. Wow, that is a crapload of work—

2. If you want to freak yourself out, figure in how much time you sleep...

3. So, what: 54% work, 14% housework, 11% pastiming, 7% writing, 7% skating, 4% reviewing & planning, 4% crafting?

4.I don't craft even that much. A lot of Fridays I lie in bed and eat pretzels.

5. Of course, I lie in bed and write for my blog a lot of late nights.

5a. Early mornings and late nights are not on this chart.

5b. If you really want to freak yourself out, figure in how much time you brush your teeth.

6. I want to be one thing, but I'm two things. I wish I didn't care about writing and could skate 4x/week, like I used to. Or that I didn't care about skating and could write 4x/week, like I used to.

7. It's not that I miss skating when I write and that I miss writing when I skate. I forget about skating when I write, and I forget about writing when I skkte <--fell asleep in the middle of writing this

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Work/Play: PASTIME

Last but not least, play that is play is something that is done as an end in itself that is an end in itself.

And we will call this PASTIME.

A reader (ha ha) asks:

the work-play quadrants remind me of covey’s. there are a lot of similarities, don’t you think? you’ve probably thought of this already. even the way you laid them out, it matches up to what i think the closest matches are. have we talked about this before? in case you can’t remember covey’s, you can look here: http://www.brefigroup.co.uk/acrobat/quadrnts.pdf
To which I said...
i wasn't thinking that, but i can definitely see that & can definitely see how it got like that. having been forged the the fires of covey :|
so what, WORK=Q1 (urgent, important), HOBBY=Q2 (not urgent, important), PLAY=Q3 (urgent, not important), PASTIME=Q4 (not urgent, not important)? i guess i'd say that WORK and PASTIME map pretty well, but HOBBY and PLAY could be moved around. those two are the tricky ones, though.
Hm well, the rest of this is unprintable. I'm trying not to swear on this blog, if you haven't noticed. But to paraphrase, I think that Covey is a little bit of a puritan about this stuff. I think he says that you should cut out Q4, which is such bumble fish. You get the feeling that he doesn't trust people not to be all in Q4, so you get none. This is something I was thinking this weekend: waste happens. Any good system --like your body, right?-- has to admit that it produces waste, and then deal with that. Perhaps I'm being unfair, but I feel like Covey's position is that highly efficient people don't produce waste. Not that waste reduction isn't an okay strategy, and maybe that's what he's talking about. I just get the feeling that Stephen Covey's idea of heaven is where nobody poops at all.

(For the record, I did say "waste" and "poops" in the original version. I don't want you to think that my swearing is worse than it is.)

Yesterday I said that I would have liked play that is play to be called PLAY, but in the end PASTIME felt more right. It's something that you do to pass the time, and that isn't a sin. Probably a little bit goes a long way, but you do need that little bit.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Work/Play: PLAY

"Play that is work" is something that is done as an end in itself that is a means to an end.

We will call this PLAY.

I would have really liked to called work that is work WORK and play that is play PLAY, because that seems mathematical. But I am only a little bit mathematical, and I went with what felt right to me.

I would also like to say, there is a related phenonomenon where something starts out as play, or fun, and ends up as not fun, or work; that's not what I mean by play that is work. Or perhaps it is the dark side of PLAY, the way work done as means to an end that doesn't achieve its end is the dark side of HOBBY. Examples come to mind, certainly.

But what I mainly mean by play that is work is something that you do just for itself, not thinking of anything that it may accomplish; but it accomplishes something, anyway. My main example of this is skating, which I just do as peace-out activity as I said. Two years on quads, though, and I've turned from a person who would run only if somebody was chasing me with a knife into a person who can run for the bus. Weirdly also, I get my name and some numbers written on a piece of paper every month for doing this thing.

Is that the ideal? Mmmmmmm. (Nnnnnnn means I'm thinking about saying No, and Mmmmm means I'm thinking about saying Maybe. If I'm thinking about saying yes, I just say yes. Hhhhhhh is for hot and bothered, but that's a different subject.) It's still about that thing you do and the qualities of that thing you do, I'll have something about that soon—

Friday, April 10, 2009

Work/Play: Misery

So I got sent home early from work, because it's Good Friday. Why am I not happy? I mean, I had work to do. But I mean, I have work to do at home that I'm always thinking about at work; but when I got home, I felt too tired to get it started. I've basically been lying upside-down on the chaise lounge, being miserable. I hate myself. Most of all, I hate the thought that I'm a person who's at a total loss for what to do with unexpected free time.

"But what if," I say, still upside-down, "you're never miserable, because you never have time to be miserable. Because you always have work to do, or because you're busy having fun. So when all of a sudden you have some free time on your hands, it's like a luxury to be miserable." I imagine my misery being untied and unrolling like a roll of velvet, for miles—

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Roast Chicken, Tomato, and Avocado Sandwiches

For these fancy sandwiches, I have been using this La Brea Bakery bread that you can get at Jewel. But you know, any nice bread.

one loaf of wheat bread
a chipotle pepper
a few tablespoons of Hellman's mayonnaise
a rotisserie chicken
a couple tomatoes
an avocado

Slice eight pieces of bread. Mince chipotle and mix with mayonnaise. Take apart the chicken; slice the breast, and save the rest to snack on. Slice the tomatoes. Halve, peel, pit, and slice the avocado.

Spread the bread with chipotle mayonnaise. Lay slices of chicken, tomato, and avocado on the bread to make your sandwiches.

Per sandwich, 587 calories

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Work/Play: HOBBY

"Work that is play" is something that is done as a means to an end that is an end in itself.

We will call this HOBBY.

Now to my mind, the near and far corners of this taxonomy are easy enough to grasp & the middles can get away from you a little bit. There is a difference, to my mind, between work that is play and play that is work; perhaps it isn't a very important difference, or maybe it is.

But let's talk about the difference between work that is work and work that is play. Something that is done as a means to an end that is a means to an end versus something that is done as a means to an end that is an end in itself. I think this can be looked at from the ant view and the grasshopper view. The grasshopper view is, work that is play is something that you would do just for itself; it's about more than getting this or that done. The ant view, work that is play is something that you better like just for itself: it ain't getting squat done.

Ants are hard core like that.

Hilariously enough, I deal a lot with taxes for work. I don't actually hate dealing with taxes for work, which is a different data point that I might get back to. But anyway, I was reading some IRS publications and noodling over this taxonomy in my head, and had already decided that I liked "hobby" as the term for work that is play, and actually came across this:

What is a hobby? Hobbies, also called not-for-profit activities, are those activities that are not pursued for profit. What is a business? Generally, your activity is considered a business if it is carried on with the reasonable expectation of earning a profit.
So the IRS definition is that hobbies are work that you don't get paid for. Ha, like writing a screenplay. That resonates, but that's not exactly what work that is play feels like to me. What the word hobby feels like. Sometimes you don't define a word so much as you feel or picture what it means: a little old man endlessly and happily pottering away at his workbench, like how I tinker with schedules and charts for my life.

The twist is, I do actually get paid now to tinker with schedules and charts. That's sort of the ideal, isn't it? To turn your hobby into your work? Nnnnnnn. I need different typefaces to show what I mean by these words at any given time. Sometimes I mean that thing you do, like making schedules and charts or writing screenplays or wrecking perfectly good t-shirts; sometimes I mean the qualities of that thing you do, like actual writing, which has a hobby quality, or like writing query letters to agencies, which has a work quality. E.M. Forster says that we can see things steadily or see things whole; if I'm making you dizzy, it's because I'm trying to get it all in. I will tell you frankly, I haven't been writing query letters much in my free time. I've been writing this blog, if that tells you something.

There's that thing you do, and there are the qualities of that thing you do. That's what I'm talking about.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Work/Play: A Tale of Two Tanks

Saturday February 21. All I wanted was a t-shirt that said Poppy and a t-shirt that said Queen. Not that I knew I wanted that until I found the two t-shirt kits at Joann. I had to get them. I knew they weren't going to be amazing t-shirts. I'm a little bit snobby about t-shirt iron-ons, which isn't something you'd think you could be snobby about. Like I'm too wimpy to silkscreen. I'm a mean t-shirt designer in the iron-on medium, though. Kits are kind of no good; but look here, kits that said Poppy and Queen. It was like the difference between having a record that you could play whenever you wanted, and hearing your song on the radio. It was all about a t-shirt that says Poppy and a t-shirt that says Queen, and that's all I wanted. That's what I'm saying.

A day or two later, I pick up a three-pack of white t-shirts from Kmart.

Monday March 30. What, it's been a busy month. I read out loud, "Let stand 4-6 hours." I've just finished tie-dying the three shirts. In the process, I've managed to dye my left hand mostly blue. "Machine wash in large load with a small amount of soap. I guess I should have read these instructions before I started." It's 10:00 PM. "Do you think it'll hurt if I don't get to the laundromat until Saturday?" Boyfriend offers to go to laundromat tomorrow.

6:30 AM, Wednesday April 1. "I just decided." I pretty much start talking the second I wake up. What have you decided, boyfriend asks. He is actually still asleep. How does he do that. "I'm not going to use the shirts that I tie-dyed." Why not, he asks. "Because they're ugly. But thank you for washing them for me."

10:00 AM, Thursday April 2. I find myself walking to Old Navy on the way to the bank. Old Navy is not on the way to the bank. I find small and medium black racerback tanks on clearance that are perfect, and x-small and x-large white racerback tanks. Oh I forgot to tell you, the kits came with two iron-ons per shirt & I think one iron-on per shirt will look better. Munt, you can't save the extra iron-ons for later NO SHUT UP MUST HAVE SMALL AND MEDIUM WHITE RACERBACK TANKS

I call the Old Navy at North and Bumble Fish & they have them, I put them on hold. It'll only take an hour to get there on the bus. I have speed practice that night; but the salesgirl says that the next morning I can put them on hold again, and pick them up the next night.

10:00 AM, Friday April 3. I call and the small tank has been sold. The universe does not want you to have white racerback tanks. Give in to the universe.

7:30 PM. We are driving to the Old Navy by Harlem-Irving Plaza, which has the small tank, and then to the Old Navy on North and Kingsbury, which has the medium tank.

7:00 PM, Monday April 6. I start to iron. I iron the iron-on that says Queen on the white tank & it looks great. It'll probably wash off the first time it's washed, but it just needs to make a good first impression. I iron the poppies on the small white tank, and they also look great.

I iron the crowns on the medium black tank and the iron-on that says Poppy on the small black tank, and it doesn't look like ...anything. It looks, actually, like dried glue. I should have known, this isn't an iron-on for dark fabrics. This is where most people would say, it's the thought that counts and think of this as a perfectly good black tank that faintly says Poppy.

This is the point where I try to peel the iron-ons off the black tanks. I'm not under the illusion that it's going to peel off in one whole piece. I'm not exactly imagining, though, that they will come off four millimeters at a time, and that I will be hunched on the floor for the next two hours picking off four-millimeter bits of iron-on.

Maybe Goo-Gone will melt the iron-on. Goo-Gone melts everything. Not iron-ons.

I spy the acetone at the back of my dangerous household chemicals shelf. Acetone melts iron-ons, damn you. And if I had sat patiently with a razor blade carefully scraping off the melted iron-on, I might have a black tank to wear this very afternoon. Instead of scrabbling at the melted iron-on with my nails, and then trying to wash it off with laundry detergent. Which sort of sets the melted iron-on. Acetone also removes dye from fabric.

9:30 PM. I get my period.

"These are the four crazy things I can do," I announce to boyfriend, who has been driven early to bed by the acetone fumes. "In order, roughly. One, throw out all the tanks to wipe this whole project out of existence. Even though the two white tanks turned out okay. Two, throw out the black tanks and go back to Joann and get another Poppy t-shirt kit and cut out the part that says Poppy and iron it on the white tank."

"That is not unreasonable."

I fall on the bed. "You know what's going to happen if I do that? I'm going to cut out the part that says Poppy and iron it on the shirt with perfectly good poppies--"

"And put a big scorch mark on them."

"HA HA HA HA HA!"

"Three."

"Throw out the black tanks, and leave well enough alone with the white tanks. Because as if I need a black tank, like everything I wear for skating isn't black."

I lie quietly on the bed.

"Four?"

"Oh, I forget. It was too crazy."

So B, this is how you ended up getting a medium white racerback tank that says Queen and I ended up with a small white racerback tank with poppies.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Tuna Casserole alla Poppy

1/4 cup butter
1 lb mushrooms, cleaned
two 5 oz cans Genova Tonno solid light tuna in olive oil, drained
1 lb Jewel frozen peas
1 jar of alfredo sauce
1/2 lb egg noodles
1/4 cup shredded Parmesan cheese

Melt butter in a saute pan over low heat as you slice the mushrooms. Turn up the heat to medium-high & saute sliced mushrooms until softened and nicely browned, about ten minutes. Add tuna and break it up in the pan, then add peas. Add alfredo sauce, rinsing the jar with a little bit of water to get out the last of the sauce. Stir it all together and simmer until heated through and slightly thickened, about twenty minutes.

While the sauce is simmering, put water on for noodles. When the water comes to a boil, dump in the noodles and cook for ten minutes. Drain the noodles, dump them into the saute pan with the sauce, and stir it all up. Top with Parmesan cheese, and put pan under broiler until cheese is melted and browned.

Per 1/6 recipe, 430 calories

Friday, April 3, 2009

Spaghetti Carbonara alla Poppy

This is what we've having for dinner tonight, because we have no other food in the house.

Per serving:
1 oz ham or bacon, optional
4 oz spaghetti
1 egg
2 Tbsp parmesan cheese
pepper

Put water on for the spaghetti. If you're using ham or bacon, chop it up and cook as necessary. Beat egg in a serving bowl. When the water comes to a boil, dump in the spaghetti and cook for ten minutes. Drain the pasta, dump it into the bowl and stir it up. Add cheese and ham or bacon. Add pepper to taste.

Per serving, 605 calories

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Work/Play

20080917_chalktalkYou might think that my favorite thing in the world is food. Well no, you know that my favorite thing in the world is skating. But next to skating, my favorite thing in the world are taxonomies.

Honk if you love taxonomic schemes! Beep beep!

My friend Tommy and I worked out this work/play scheme last summer, we wrote it up on the chalkboard and everything.

(The other thing that I worked out with Tommy was a game on skates where the jammer skates in circles blindfolded, just so you know.)

Now if you're a grasshopper type, try not to think in terms of play as fun and work as not fun; and if you're an ant type, try not to think in terms of work as productive and play as unproductive. Play and work can both be fun, and can both be productive. Play can be unfun. Work can be unproductive, god knows. (I'm an ant-type, in case you hadn't figured that out.) So we're going to erase those meanings from these terms, but also we're going to acknowledge that we can still see the erasure cloud, so to speak, around them. That's fine, but we're going to focus on these definitions for the purpose of this exercise:

work is something that is done as a means to an end
play is something that is done as an end in itself

Just that, for now. And now we make a table:

  that is workthat is play
Work WORK something that is done as a means to an end that is a means to an end HOBBY something that is done as a means to an end that is an end in itself
Play PLAY something that is done as an end in itself that is a means to an end PASTIME something that is done as an end in itself that is an end in itself

I have decided that I'm going to have more to say about this, so a quick preview for now:

Work that is work = WORK = something that is done as a means to an end that is a means to an end = not even work, my job, fully falls into this category, if I think too hard about this, but yeah, doing my taxes, most definitely, stuff like that. But let's be real, working at the office still counts as work that is work.

Work that is play = HOBBY = something that is done as a means to an end that is an end in itself = for me, my incessant making of schedules, definitely a means to an end, but also I do it just to do it.

Play that is work = PLAY = something that is done as an end in itself that is a means to an end = for me, skating, which is good enough just as a "peace out" sort activity, but also happens to improve my fitness, and actually is a little second job.

Play that is play = PASTIME = something that is done as an end in itself that is an end in itself = this is your real "just for fun" category, for me, watching tv series mostly, that is when I am totally checked out.

Speaking of, I have to get back to it.

TO BE CONTINUED

Work: 888 HER FOOT

Another reader (!) writes in:

horacek8hrsYou know in Australia, they have this huge deal about the 8-hour working day as a kind of victory for the unions, it's a big thing in their history. There's actually a monument to it in Melbourne somewhere. So the chart would go: 8 hours work, 8 hours play, 8 hours sleep. Judy Horacek (who is an awesome Australian feminist cartoonist who you should check out if you don't already know her work, her web page is: http://www.horacek.com.au/) did a cartoon about it which I am attaching for you because I keep thinking of it when I read your blog. Which I love. By the way.

About which I have nothing more intelligent to say than, Eeeeeee!!!

ETA: Bother, that leaves me with too much white space. Okay, how about this: I used to have it stuck in my head that October-December was winter. I don't mean when I was a kid. I mean, I was well into my twenties and every year gettting caught totally off guard by January-March, being —I'm sure you know— actual winter. Eventually I reset myself, singing winter, spring, summer, or fall from "You've Got A Friend" whenever needed. And I'm much better at winter now.

Every now and then, you want to check that what's in your head —or indeed, carved in stone somewhere— actually matches the way it really is.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Roast Beef and Brie Sandwiches

Last Wednesday I did not, actually, have chips and salsa for dinner.

one round loaf of Italian bread
butter, softened
8 oz brie, sliced


I used this President 8 oz brie round, and just sliced it straight across.

lettuce
12 oz sliced roast beef
mustard

Slice eight pieces of bread. Butter four pieces of bread, and lay slices of brie on the buttered bread. Lay lettuce on top of the brie, and roast beef on top of the lettuce. Spread mustard on the other four pieces of bread, and put them on top of the roast beef to make your sandwiches.

Per sandwich, 870 calories